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As I scroll FB. I am so sickened and saddened by all the hate, by all the politics, by all the judgement, by all the children being abused and murdered, BY IT ALLLLLLL!!!!!! As a follower of the one and only true God, it’s hard to not want to ask why. But I know why….SIN. Sin entered the world. The end!
I have to continue to trust God and know that He is in control despite what the world looks like. After all, this world belongs to the deceiver, the father of lies. If you don’t know God personally, then I sound crazy. The books in the Bible are full of what we see in the world today. This is nothing new. I love the Psalms and David’s raw honesty. It’s like that book of the Bible was his journal or blog, if you will. He has times of joy, times of sorrow, times of depression and times of “why’s”. The thing I love is he always comes back to hope in God. I love chapter 42. Here is the last verse:
Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God.
HOPE IN GOD!!!!!
It happens!!!! I wanted to write here everyday. For myself. Journaling has always been helpful to me and I love reading other blogs and relating to them. I did a couple entries and got stuck in a thought of….” no one is reading my thoughts, no one is relating to me”. So, everyday I have sat to write and my mind is going a thousand words a minute but my fingers are frozen and my stare is blank. I’m back to the mindset of writing because it makes me happy.
Here’s where I’m at:
I’ve been getting different labs and tests done and my body has been in a lot of pain and I’ve been discouraged. Of course, I don’t like the pain but the discouraging part is I have these three children that I want to keep up with and do adventures with and I just feel like I’m hindered. It hurts just to tie my shoes right now. I have trigger points and knots after knots after knots all through my body, full of inflammation. I get chiropractic treatments and deep knot massages regularly…. talk about PAIN!!!! I’m tired all the time, sometimes just plain exhausted. And I have stomach issues which means I sport a “food baby” most of the time.
Diet is a big part of this. I am on day 10 of the Whole30 and can tell this is going to be a long road. My 30 is probably going to be a 60😞 and then I will need to stay on a pretty strict Paleo lifestyle. For me, I feel this is the way we were intended to eat anyway but it’s still so hard for me.
This is not the life I had planned. I find myself saying this a lot. I am complaining. I want to do so much more. I don’t want to be tired and hurting all the time. I want energy. I want to ride bikes with the kids and jump on the trampoline. I want to take my boxing classes and go on hikes. God has allowed me in this place for some reason; many reasons….finding contentment in Him, a better pray life, being totally dependent on Him, etc. Bottom line to it all: Whatever I am dealt, whatever my day holds….Everything I do needs to be done to bring God glory. John Piper says: God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. Two verses that come to mind: Isaiah 55: 8-9 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts. AND Phil 2:14 Do all things without grumbling or disputing. More than being out of pain, more than having energy, more than eating healthy, more than playing with my kids……I want to know God. I want His ways to be enough. I want to live to please Him with my everything. I want to give Him glory in all I do.
Well there are my thoughts….scattered!!!! But at least I wrote them.
Thursday’s are a long day. I am so tired. I feel really yucky. I have a foggy head. I have a nauseous headache, dizzy and my ears feel thick and are pounding. Complain, complain😞😞
Four days until my life changes FOREVER!!! So dramatic, I know. Not much to say today. Have some anxiety and feel in a funk.
As Easter is just a couple days away, I try to find the balance between the true meaning and the fun. We love to dye eggs and do egg hunts. We usually use our dyed eggs but this year I bought plastic eggs and wanted to put non-candy goodies in them. Right now I am working on a list of things to pick up at Target. Here’s what I have so far:
Mini Bath bombs
Mini spiders, Dino’s, frogs
Lego set (split up)
Sponge grow capsules
Mini nail polish
I have about 4 yrs between kids so I think I will give them each a color they have to find. That way, my oldest daughter won’t get mini spiders and dinosaurs and my little man won’t get nail polish😉
Mainly, I’m trying to reflect on Easter and the resurrection. I can’t seem to get passed what was done to Christ and I want to meditate on what Christ did for me instead. I really desire to have a better understanding of the sacrifice Christ made for us. We always take time in our day to sit as a family and read from the Bible and discuss what we are truly celebrating.
Well there is my scattered brain written down….
This is my guideline for 30 days. Seems easy enough but because I have done this before, I know it’s not. I look at it and mentally, I’m all about it. I mean, I feel healthier already just looking at the good foods I should be eating. I wish it was that simple. I have always been disciplined and been able to say “NO” to the foods I knew were not beneficial to my health….UNTIL NOW!!!!!!
I think I have had such a hard time starting this again because even though it’s a 30 day reset, for me….It’s more! It’s a lifestyle. I don’t do good with the whole “once in awhile treat or splurge”. It’s all or nothing. That one GF treat I had two years ago after eating a paleo way for so long totally messed me up. I would have another and then another and then allowed GF breads and cookies and then some dairy and oh how I missed tortilla chips and salsa. Yep…you guessed…I allowed that back even with the stomach aches I endured. I’m trying to wrap my brain around the fact that this is the best way for me to eat. This is what my doc has told me over and over. This is what all my tests and labs have told me. This is what my body has told me. The pain that is going on in my body as I sit and type is telling me to take care of it and stop giving in to those milk chocolate Cadbury mini eggs.
I’m trying to think positively about the benefits I will have by doing this reset. I know they will be great but I also remember how hard the detox was on me the first time and how I didn’t experience for like 3 weeks the “magic” everyone talked about having their first week. I am thankful that I have couple friends who will be doing this with me and we will be able to support each other. It does make it difficult that my husband is the complete opposite as eating goes and that I can’t rid my house of all the foods not allowed. I will have to cook two different meals for dinner as well.
So I have 5 days to go and……I went to Blaze pizza last night and had my GF pizza crust loaded with meats and veggies topped with light mozzarella…HEAVEN!!!! I had to have it before I started this. It will be my last pizza that way. Along with gluten, I am not supposed to be eating grains as they do a number on my body. There was a day I was happy to have a paleo pizza crust with all those toppings and no cheese and loved it. I look forward to that day again.
I’m hoping this blog will be helpful as I write these things down. I don’t know if anyone will read it. I love thinking about people out there being interested and following my journey and maybe even walking it with me.
Off to fold some clothes…..
I am troubled by so much. I keep so many feelings, thoughts, frustrations inside. It’s not healthy and I am feeling the effects of this. I am hoping, praying, longing to be free to talk and express myself. The name of my blog is journey to ALL health because I need to be healthy in more than just my eating.
So that has nothing to do with my favorite things… LOL!!!! But actually it does, I guess.
One of my most favorite things is every night I come and lay with my little man. We laugh a little, talk a little, go on and on about who loves who more while he cuddles up with my arms around him. In these moments, I forget about all the things “bottled away”. He eventually falls asleep and more times than not, I get emotional. Like tonight. I love this little guy. I love his sisters. It’s amazing how they can drive me crazy all day and I lay here and don’t want to leave this moment. I love to smell his head. It may sound weird but I don’t care. He smells like my little boy. I am blessed that I got to have one more day with them (insert tears😢).
Goodnight! Off to the next kid’s room.
I am writing here instead of my journal. I am not an English major and am not going to worry about paragraphs and punctuation. I simply am going to write because it is helpful to me and maybe there will be one other that will benefit as well.
I have been on a “health” journey trying to figure out where all my aches and pains come from. I am tired all the time and just feel yucky. I struggle with anxiety and depression (finding out most woman do) that keeps me up all night sometimes. I want to say “GREAT” when asked how I am doing.
I am about to start another Whole30 and have to make this my lifestyle. I do best when I am not eating grains, dairy, legumes, and the EVIL addictive …..SUGAR!!!!!! I love sugar in the form of anything brown which means CHOCOLATE.
I want to LOVE God with all my heart and serve Him with my everything.
I am going to abruptly end this for now because, as usual, time has gotten way from me and I have a child who needs to be to his class in 10 minutes…..oops!!!!!
To be continued…..