It happens!!!! I wanted to write here everyday. For myself. Journaling has always been helpful to me and I love reading other blogs and relating to them. I did a couple entries and got stuck in a thought of….” no one is reading my thoughts, no one is relating to me”. So, everyday I have sat to write and my mind is going a thousand words a minute but my fingers are frozen and my stare is blank. I’m back to the mindset of writing because it makes me happy.
Here’s where I’m at:
I’ve been getting different labs and tests done and my body has been in a lot of pain and I’ve been discouraged. Of course, I don’t like the pain but the discouraging part is I have these three children that I want to keep up with and do adventures with and I just feel like I’m hindered. It hurts just to tie my shoes right now. I have trigger points and knots after knots after knots all through my body, full of inflammation. I get chiropractic treatments and deep knot massages regularly…. talk about PAIN!!!! I’m tired all the time, sometimes just plain exhausted. And I have stomach issues which means I sport a “food baby” most of the time.
Diet is a big part of this. I am on day 10 of the Whole30 and can tell this is going to be a long road. My 30 is probably going to be a 60😞 and then I will need to stay on a pretty strict Paleo lifestyle. For me, I feel this is the way we were intended to eat anyway but it’s still so hard for me.
This is not the life I had planned. I find myself saying this a lot. I am complaining. I want to do so much more. I don’t want to be tired and hurting all the time. I want energy. I want to ride bikes with the kids and jump on the trampoline. I want to take my boxing classes and go on hikes. God has allowed me in this place for some reason; many reasons….finding contentment in Him, a better pray life, being totally dependent on Him, etc. Bottom line to it all: Whatever I am dealt, whatever my day holds….Everything I do needs to be done to bring God glory. John Piper says: God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. Two verses that come to mind: Isaiah 55: 8-9 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts. AND Phil 2:14 Do all things without grumbling or disputing. More than being out of pain, more than having energy, more than eating healthy, more than playing with my kids……I want to know God. I want His ways to be enough. I want to live to please Him with my everything. I want to give Him glory in all I do.
Well there are my thoughts….scattered!!!! But at least I wrote them.