I’m selfish!!! It’s not my life!!!

I know by nature, we are all selfish! I have just noticed over the years that I have become more selfish. I find myself often questioning God and the things He allows in my day, in my life. Who do I think that I am? I must think pretty highly of myself that I would even begin to think I have any sort of control over what my day holds. What brings this whole blog about you ask? Well, I will tell you😉

IMG_0649

Levi woke up sick yesterday and I was mad! I was mad that my little man felt so badly. I was mad because it’s the holidays and we have so many things planned and the last thing I want to do is deal with sickness. I was mad because that meant that he had to miss out on Grama day which he has been looking forward to for a couple weeks. I was mad because that meant he has to miss his music lesson and possibly his one day a week of school that we look so forward to. I was mad that his day at school was the Christmas party and they are putting together a big project we’ve been working on making the human body. I was mad that the day I had planned to watch cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies and decorate the house while the kids were with Grama was now ruined.

I’M PRETTY PATHETIC!!!! How disappointing that so much complaining can go on in just a minute inside my head. Now… I had a choice to make. I had all these selfish thoughts plaguing me and I could talk to the Lord about it and ask Him to give me the strength to get through or I could dwell on it and just be mad through the remainder of my day because I wasn’t getting my way. Let’s be honest, that’s what was going on, right? I wasn’t getting my way! SELFISH!!!!

And did you catch the part in the beginning where I refer to this life as being….My life??? Pretty sure it doesn’t belong to me. I gave my life to God! I decided to follow Him. He makes it very clear in Mark 8:34 that following Him means to deny myself, pick up my cross (and follow Him).  I am to live this life that He so graciously gave me and do all things to His glory, not for man’s glory or approval, not for my own comfort, not for loving a life more than I love Jesus.  I am not in charge anymore!!!  I love what John Piper says about this verse, “You are a new self. Act like it. Deny the old, comfort-craving self and embrace the superior joy of knowing Jesus, no matter how high the cost on this earth”.

Am I disappointed with things in my life sometimes…YEP!!!  My sinful brain needs to accept the fact that God, the Master of the Universe, allowed it.  That should be all I need to know.  GOD has His reasons and if I would just take a second to STOP AND BE STILL, meditate on Him, rest in Him…I would learn something.  He doesn’t just allow things because He has nothing better to do, He wants us to grow. He wants us to put our eyes on Him.  He wants us to draw strength from Him.

I have always lived with the saying, “Nothing happens that God didn’t filter through His hands first”.  This has always brought me freedom and relief.  I rested in this truth.  Somewhere along the way, I became mad that He would allow certain things to be filtered into my life.  Wow!!! Did I actually just write that???  That makes me so sad and disappointed that I would, that I could, even go there.  I am ashamed and want to hang my head but God doesn’t want that.  He wants me to act like the new man I am and embrace Him.  That’s how great He is!!!!  I deserve death and He gives me life!!!!

IMG_0650

Ibuprofen kicked in and he is able to smile.  Yes, I do give into Ibuprofen when they are so miserable and achy.  But he is also taking extra Probiotics and Xfactor.  YAY, Plexus!!!

At least there are a lot more cuddles and snuggling when he’s sick!!!  Won’t pass that up:)

2 thoughts on “I’m selfish!!! It’s not my life!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s