I’m NOT “that mom”!

You know…That mom who always has her hair, nails and make-up done.  Cooks a 5 star breakfast every morning.  Sparkling clean house, clutter free, of course.  Always patient, kind, ready to serve…..  Spontaneous.  Always ready to have sleepovers for her kids.  Keeps a full fridge ready to make pancakes when they want them because she never runs out of eggs because she always keeps up on the grocery shopping.  She also always has silverware in the drawer because she empties the dishwasher as soon as it is finished and has it loaded again right away which means her sink isn’t filled with dishes right now.  What a mom!!!!

I am going to get really honest here.  Mom life is hard for me.  I don’t do mom life very well.  I get irritated and overwhelmed very easily.  Am I striving for better…absolutely!!!!  Everyday!!!!  I even have good days but I feel like the bad days outnumber the good on my behavior.  I love my kids more than I can put into words but I definitely don’t show it like I should.  Here’s the thing….There are days I want to run away.  Yep…I said it!  THERE ARE DAYS I WANT TO RUN AWAY???  Yes, that is what I said!  (AND….I finally said it “out loud” to my husband).

I need to be able to say that out loud…to share my feelings.  These are real feelings.  Feelings aren’t bad.  Read the Psalms.  David expresses every emotion one can have and I so appreciate his honesty.  There is a big problem that I have faced in life regarding feelings.  People judge.  When we feel judged, we then don’t share.  When we don’t share, we keep it all inside.  Keeping it all inside, eventually…WE EXPLODE!!!!  Or let’s call it what it is…SIN!!!!  We need to be free to share even our ugliest thoughts, fears, feelings, emotions.  We need to bear one another’s burdens.  We need to listen and then wrap our arms around each and show love, encouragement, support, prayer and even correction (with love).  We need to walk beside each other in God’s truth and be strong for the one who is weak.  We need to find that “one” or two or ten who will be strong for us when we are weak.

So, I’m not the perfect mom.  I never will be!!!!  That’s okay.  I’m striving for something different. AND…..Although, I really want a clean house, I want kids who have been taught how to deal with life properly.  I want them to feel free to share their feelings, their fears, their confusion, their questions, their sin with us and let us help them through it.  I want to be the parent who listens.  I want to be the honest mom who shows her kids that this life is a battle.  I not only want to show them the way to live their life according to God’s word, I want to live it out.

So, yes…my kids see an overwhelmed mess a lot of the time but they also see repentance and honesty.

It is important that we talk.  If we don’t , we may actually run away.

BE HEALTHY!!!!

Ella is WHAT?????

F-I-F-T-E-E-N!!!!

Yep, you heard me right…I gave birth for the first time 15 years ago. It’s just so weird to say I have a 15 year old.

Ella changed my world!!! I always wanted a lot of kids and then I had Ella and decided I was done. HaHa… Not whatcha ya thinking!!!! I decided this little person was all I needed. I didn’t think I could share my love with another. I just wanted it all to go to her. I didn’t want to share my time between her and any others. I was content!!! (Obviously God had other plans and I’m so thankful He did😁)

Ella is an amazing young lady❤️ She is full of talent….singing, dance, gymnastics, drawing, knitting, video editing….to name a few. She is funny. She is an artist and I can’t wait until she is ready to share it with the world. She has the most amazing hair. She’s beautiful!!! She’s a deep thinker, sometimes too deep.. LOL!!! She loves Boba and eating with chopsticks. She talks to me about everything. For a mom, this is big. I thank God everyday I have a teenager that wants her mom in her business!!!!

She wants to accomplish great things. I’m so proud to be her mommy. I love her so much❤️❤️❤️ So blessed😊

My emotions are high!!!!!

I’m sitting here at gymnastics and having so much emotion. Sitting at gymnastics is normal for me. But today, I’m sitting, watching Abby in a tumbling class. What’s the big deal, you ask? Well, she has done gymnastics for 7 years.  We have been at our current gym for a little over 2 years.  She has been on the gymnastics girl’s team there and just got done with competition. Right now, she is on one side of the gym with tumbling class and her team is on the other side doing team practice.  Still waiting for the big deal????  WELL…..

She decided this week….. it was time for a break. WHAT???

She came in to my room on February 28 about 12:30 (yep, I remember the date and time!) and told me she had something important to tell me.  She tried to get her words out through her 😭sobbing😭…..telling me what she was thinking and how she was feeling.  I sat there confused with a blank stare. I couldn’t process what she was telling me yet I knew something was going on the last month or so. It was difficult for her as she felt so heavy with worry about disappointing us, her team and her coaches. She explained that she loved her gymnastics time, her teammates, her coaches but she just wasn’t enjoying it like she once did.  She really felt like it was time to take a break and venture out to something new.

I’m proud of her for walking into my room this week and sharing her heart.  She had really thought this through and knew what direction she wanted to go next.

But this mom was not quite ready for that announcement.  A big part of our life has been gymnastics.  So much time, money, emotion invested.  I’m a “Gym Mom” and the last year and a half, I was a “Team Gym Mom”.  I made good friends and we helped each other out and encouraged each other in this whole gymnastic life.  I now do not belong to that group.  Sure, they are still my friends but I do not share this common bond anymore.  It’s like a part of my identity is gone.  I know…SO DRAMATIC!!!!  Not sure why it’s hitting me so hard.  I would think it’d be a little easier….I went through this already with my oldest.  But, in all honesty, there is still a part of me that struggles with her decision to stop.

No more, “Mom, I got a rip on each hand”…said with so much satisfaction and excitement!!!!!

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Bottom line…I love my kids always (even when I don’t like them…LOL!).  I want them to enjoy life and the things they are doing.  Abby and I will get through her decision and every day will be a little bit better as we find a new normal.  She is a talented young lady and she puts her whole heart into everything she does.  One of her struggles was that she didn’t get some of her skills as quickly as the other girls but she worked so hard and never gave up, even with her multiple injuries.  She is my special girl and I’m excited to see what’s next for her.

Alright, that’s enough (sniff, sniff)!!!!!

BE HEALTHY!!!!

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Let’s play catch up!!!!

What is up with all the sick around us?  Thankfully, we haven’t caught everything going around and have avoided a majority of it.  YET…It seems we have to take a turn.  My oldest had a cold and was on the mend and then took a quick turn and got Bronchitis.  She’s good now.  My youngest had a mild cold weeks ago and woke up with it again yesterday.  He is still bouncing off the walls with energy though.  My middle, who’s immune system used to be so weak, has avoided the sick for months but she is fighting something right now.  I am so thankful for our Plexus because it has really worked on repairing Abby’s gut and kept things pretty mild when we do get sick.  I can’t imagine where we would be if we weren’t taking care of our immune systems.

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Health Journey:

I have been doing a ton of research on diets, again.  Paleo, Vegan, Vegetarian, Keto, Pegan, Mediterranean, Zone, ETC….. How the heck are we supposed to eat and is there a one size fits all?  I have always loved studying nutrition, health, fitness…anything that has to do with a better quality of life.  I have been gluten free for over 5 years.  I do little dairy and try to stick to greek yogurt and hard cheeses and, of course, Kerrygold butter.  The last three years I have been mostly Paleo but do have periods of time where I eat some grains or Rubio’s nachos. For the most part, I try to eat as healthy as I can.

I have been revisiting this topic as I was looking to see the hype of the Ketogenic diet.  For me personally, I have decided this is not best.  This led me to look at a more plant based diet and it’s benefits.  I have always avoided doing a strict vegetarian or vegan because grains have always affected me and let’s face it….A medium rare steak every once in awhile makes me happy:)  I have realized that these lifestyles have something healthy to offer.  Keto…High amount of healthy fats.  Paleo and Vegan and Vegetarian…Focus on clean eating.

I came to the conclusion that vegetables and fruit need to be a bigger part of my everyday and meats and grains are to be more like a condiment or accessory, if you will.  Because I have been working on healing my gut, I have been able to get off of the digestive enzymes for good and my system is handling different foods a little better.  I am on a journey…a journey to better health, a better quality of it.  I will be working on upping my fruit and vegetable intake.  I would like a majority of my nutrients to come from those foods.  It is amazing what plant-based foods have to offer.  I will try different healthy grains and see what my body can digest at this point.  Is this the way for everyone?…I don’t know.  We all need to find what works best for us.  I am not going to preach that this diet or that diet is “THE ONLY WAY”.  I will just encourage others to eat clean, eat raw, eat nutrients.

Spiritual Journey:

I’m still a sinner!!!!  Every Single Day…I blow it!!!!  I hate sin, I hate sinning!  I hate hurting those around me.  I hate hurting God.  Good news…He is the same yesterday, today, forever.  He is always there.  He showers me with His grace and mercy daily despite the sinner I am.  He loves me.  He gives hope.  He gives rest.  He gives strength.  He gives peace.  All of  this…I do not deserve!!!  But I get it anyway because our God is good and gracious and kind!!!

EAT HEALTHY!!!!

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I am not a “saleswoman” but if you are interested in what these natural supplements are that help with gut health and happiness, let me know!!!!

I’m BACK!!!! With a passion!!!!

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I have written many things the last couple months on paper, in my head and even here on my blog BUT didn’t share any of it.  Not sure where I was or what was going on.  I felt like I was in a funk.  Actually, I’m still kinda there.  I started to write a Facebook post and realized it was getting longer and longer and it was not really Facebook post material.  Soooooo…I said, “Enough is enough!!!!  You have a blog.  Stop being scared of it.  Get out of your funk and start writing because you like to do it and it’s a good release”.

So I copied it and brought it here:

We share about what matters to us, what we are passionate about. For some it’s leggings, for some it’s smelly house goods, for some it’s natural cleaning products, cake creations, essential oils, kid’s books…you see where I am going with this. For me, it’s gut health!!!! There will be haters. There will be skeptics. There will be teasers. There will be those who make you feel inadequate, stupid, and insecure. That’s okay. It has to be okay.  God gives us our own desires and talents and passions.  He didn’t make us to be little robots who can’t think for themselves.  He created us in His image.  He created each of us different.

There is not another me out there.  I love all things natural and I love learning about the ways we can heal from the inside out.  I love everything I am learning about gut health and how it controls so much of how we function and feel.  I love how I am taking steps to better gut health.  I love that those steps are working to help me feel better.  I love that I can have better quality of life in the days I’m given.  AND…..I love sharing all of this with others.

Now I mentioned above that some won’t care to listen and I can’t be offended or take it personal.  I will still keep sharing my life, my likes, my dislikes, my passions….with others.  Tonight, I heard from a friend who decided to try the supplements I have been sharing about and it was so encouraging.  It reminded me why I share.  It encouraged me to keep sharing.  She has had a rough go of health issues and is starting to notice changes.  She is starting to feel better.  (“smiling from ear to ear”) It’s all worth it!!!  I want others to feel better.  It makes me emotional.  I am actually tearing up right now…GEEZ!!!!!

Okay, enough emotion!!!!  What is your passion?  Are you sharing it with other?

Peace out!!!

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I am not a saleswoman but if you are interested in what these natural supplements are that help with gut health and happiness, let me know!!!!

Bad day…

My Advent Sunday post took a turn.  God allowed me to go through a hard week and it ended with a very bad Friday.  This is honest, this who I am.  I share because it’s so helpful for me to see the honesty of others.  Everyday is not sunshine and rainbows!!!  I’m just keeping it real. There is a happy ending though.

Friday. I had a bad day. A stupid day. It was just thing after thing. There was yelling, tears, frustration, self-pity and then a lot of shame. I was tired. I woke up feeling a sinus infection coming on. AND it was a whole day scheduled, full of things.

Levi had been sick for a few days this week which meant lack of sleep for this mama. I already haven’t been sleeping great because our very expensive mattress which has been wonderful for years is not being very kind to my body. I’ve talked about finally being able to sleep after so many years of anxious, sleepless nights BUT now my mattress keeps waking me up😞 Okay… let me get back on track!!!!

Tired mama taking care of a sick boy = exhaustion = body too tired to fight getting sick. Plus, my body is still going through die-off/detox with Plexus so my immune system is a bit low. So I woke up with the migraine I went to bed with and a lot of pain in my sinuses. I steamed with essential oils, baked cookies for my party that night and we got ready for our long day of holiday cooking workshop, gymnastics, Parkour, Hip-Hop, errands in between and then ladies adult time for mommy. I realized in order to get through this day, I was going to need to go back to bed or give into the drugs. Ibuprofen it was. (Ibuprofen is one of the causes of the damage to my gut). It takes ALOT for me to go the unnatural route.

Let me back track…The deciding factor for drugs for my day was…I was being just plain mean. I didn’t feel good, I hurt my back Thursday so I was in pain and I was mad… again. I have a problem with being mad when things don’t go my way. I’m working on it but let me just say…. my whole morning was a big fat failure!!!! So I needed some relief. I usually just deal with the pain. I’m used to being in pain but that day took its toll and it was only 11am.

Levi and I didn’t have a great morning. He couldn’t go to the cooking class because of his cold so he was acting out. There was yelling and tempers and bad examples…by both of us. I felt so sad and mad because he had to miss another fun activity that week. We took Abby to cooking class and then came home and had a good talk about not sinning in our anger.  We had apologies and forgiveness to each other and lots of kisses and hugs.  He really is such a sweet boy. His sisters would say otherwise😉

So as the day continued, things just didn’t go right. Fast forward to my final straw before I broke… I went to the store to pick up the movie I ordered for my Christmas Party and they said it was at another location across town. Like 30+ minutes away. I didn’t have any extra time. Yes, no big deal. It’s a movie. All these terrible things are going on in our world but I broke down and cried. I texted Eric. He talked with me, he felt bad, tried to help me feel better.

I was in a battle!!!

I had so many emotions and thoughts going on inside…. Why did God feel it necessary to allow all these stupid things? Why was I questioning God? Why am I so shallow? What was the whole point of this day? Why did I keep failing even though I knew the right way to respond? How do I let my anger and selfishness get the best of me when I desire so badly to be like God? Why can’t I just let the scripture I know rule my heart in these situations? A BATTLE!!!!

We got done with dance classes, Eric picked up the kids so I could go to my party. I had no movie for the present exchange and I felt like crap. Eric drove off and I stayed on the side of the road and cried and talked to God. I told Him how I was feeling. I told Him that I was mad at the day but mostly mad at myself for how I responded to Him, my husband, my kids and the situations of my day. I asked Him for His comfort. I asked Him for understanding. I asked Him for acceptance and contentment for what He allows. I was ashamed. How is it that we can want to be holy and godly and blow it so badly, everyday? Sin!!!

We are sinners!!!  What I didn’t ask Him for was His forgiveness.  Here I have this God who Has saved me.  Who has showed His grace and mercy daily to an undeserving soul.  Who emptied Himself and became man and took on my sin and punishment so I could live with Him forever.  And I didn’t even acknowledge it in that moment.  I just told Him how I was feeling and asked Him for things to make me feel better.  Wretched!!!

So why a bad day???  A test to see how I would respond?  A reminder that I am a sinner in need of a Savior? A chance to show my kids a godly example or should I say, an example of repentance of a sinner?  Was it so I would reflect on my day and realize my first action should have been repenting to Him?  Pretty sure it was all of the above AND perhaps it was for my husband to show me love. He went to the store where my movie was and brought it to my Christmas Party along with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Awwweeeee!!!!! I didn’t know he was coming. I was completely surprised and blessed. I don’t think he could know how much that meant to me.

Once again, God showed me who is in control…AND IT’S NOT ME!!!!!!! It was a day He felt was needed to be allowed to show me who He is and to bring me closer to Him. He is my comfort, my help, my hope, the Forgiver.  He has His reasons, His plans, His ways. He is the Potter. He is the author of my life. He is God and that’s all I need.