feelings

You know…That mom who always has her hair, nails and make-up done. Cooks a 5 star breakfast every morning. Sparkling clean house, clutter free, of course. Always patient, kind, ready to serve….. Spontaneous. Always ready to have sleepovers for her kids. Keeps a full fridge ready to make pancakes when they want them because she never runs out of eggs because she always keeps up on the grocery shopping. She also always has silverware in the drawer because she empties the dishwasher as soon as it is finished and has it loaded again right away which means her sink isn’t filled with dishes right now. What a mom!!!!

I am going to get really honest here. Mom life is hard for me. I don’t do mom life very well. I get irritated and overwhelmed very easily. Am I striving for better…absolutely!!!! Everyday!!!! I even have good days but I feel like the bad days outnumber the good on my behavior. I love my kids more than I can put into words but I definitely don’t show it like I should. Here’s the thing….There are days I want to run away. Yep…I said it! THERE ARE DAYS I WANT TO RUN AWAY??? Yes, that is what I said! (AND….I finally said it “out loud” to my husband).

I need to be able to say that out loud…to share my feelings. These are real feelings. Feelings aren’t bad. Read the Psalms. David expresses every emotion one can have and I so appreciate his honesty. There is a big problem that I have faced in life regarding feelings. People judge. When we feel judged, we then don’t share. When we don’t share, we keep it all inside. Keeping it all inside, eventually…WE EXPLODE!!!! Or let’s call it what it is…SIN!!!! We need to be free to share even our ugliest thoughts, fears, feelings, emotions. We need to bear one another’s burdens. We need to listen and then wrap our arms around each and show love, encouragement, support, prayer and even correction (with love). We need to walk beside each other in God’s truth and be strong for the one who is weak. We need to find that “one” or two or ten who will be strong for us when we are weak.

So, I’m not the perfect mom. I never will be!!!! That’s okay. I’m striving for something different. AND…..Although, I really want a clean house, I want kids who have been taught how to deal with life properly. I want them to feel free to share their feelings, their fears, their confusion, their questions, their sin with us and let us help them through it. I want to be the parent who listens. I want to be the honest mom who shows her kids that this life is a battle. I not only want to show them the way to live their life according to God’s word, I want to live it out.

So, yes…my kids see an overwhelmed mess a lot of the time but they also see repentance and honesty.

It is important that we talk. If we don’t , we may actually run away.