I’m NOT “that mom”!

You know…That mom who always has her hair, nails and make-up done.  Cooks a 5 star breakfast every morning.  Sparkling clean house, clutter free, of course.  Always patient, kind, ready to serve…..  Spontaneous.  Always ready to have sleepovers for her kids.  Keeps a full fridge ready to make pancakes when they want them because she never runs out of eggs because she always keeps up on the grocery shopping.  She also always has silverware in the drawer because she empties the dishwasher as soon as it is finished and has it loaded again right away which means her sink isn’t filled with dishes right now.  What a mom!!!!

I am going to get really honest here.  Mom life is hard for me.  I don’t do mom life very well.  I get irritated and overwhelmed very easily.  Am I striving for better…absolutely!!!!  Everyday!!!!  I even have good days but I feel like the bad days outnumber the good on my behavior.  I love my kids more than I can put into words but I definitely don’t show it like I should.  Here’s the thing….There are days I want to run away.  Yep…I said it!  THERE ARE DAYS I WANT TO RUN AWAY???  Yes, that is what I said!  (AND….I finally said it “out loud” to my husband).

I need to be able to say that out loud…to share my feelings.  These are real feelings.  Feelings aren’t bad.  Read the Psalms.  David expresses every emotion one can have and I so appreciate his honesty.  There is a big problem that I have faced in life regarding feelings.  People judge.  When we feel judged, we then don’t share.  When we don’t share, we keep it all inside.  Keeping it all inside, eventually…WE EXPLODE!!!!  Or let’s call it what it is…SIN!!!!  We need to be free to share even our ugliest thoughts, fears, feelings, emotions.  We need to bear one another’s burdens.  We need to listen and then wrap our arms around each and show love, encouragement, support, prayer and even correction (with love).  We need to walk beside each other in God’s truth and be strong for the one who is weak.  We need to find that “one” or two or ten who will be strong for us when we are weak.

So, I’m not the perfect mom.  I never will be!!!!  That’s okay.  I’m striving for something different. AND…..Although, I really want a clean house, I want kids who have been taught how to deal with life properly.  I want them to feel free to share their feelings, their fears, their confusion, their questions, their sin with us and let us help them through it.  I want to be the parent who listens.  I want to be the honest mom who shows her kids that this life is a battle.  I not only want to show them the way to live their life according to God’s word, I want to live it out.

So, yes…my kids see an overwhelmed mess a lot of the time but they also see repentance and honesty.

It is important that we talk.  If we don’t , we may actually run away.

BE HEALTHY!!!!

Ella is WHAT?????

F-I-F-T-E-E-N!!!!

Yep, you heard me right…I gave birth for the first time 15 years ago. It’s just so weird to say I have a 15 year old.

Ella changed my world!!! I always wanted a lot of kids and then I had Ella and decided I was done. HaHa… Not whatcha ya thinking!!!! I decided this little person was all I needed. I didn’t think I could share my love with another. I just wanted it all to go to her. I didn’t want to share my time between her and any others. I was content!!! (Obviously God had other plans and I’m so thankful He did😁)

Ella is an amazing young lady❤️ She is full of talent….singing, dance, gymnastics, drawing, knitting, video editing….to name a few. She is funny. She is an artist and I can’t wait until she is ready to share it with the world. She has the most amazing hair. She’s beautiful!!! She’s a deep thinker, sometimes too deep.. LOL!!! She loves Boba and eating with chopsticks. She talks to me about everything. For a mom, this is big. I thank God everyday I have a teenager that wants her mom in her business!!!!

She wants to accomplish great things. I’m so proud to be her mommy. I love her so much❤️❤️❤️ So blessed😊

My emotions are high!!!!!

I’m sitting here at gymnastics and having so much emotion. Sitting at gymnastics is normal for me. But today, I’m sitting, watching Abby in a tumbling class. What’s the big deal, you ask? Well, she has done gymnastics for 7 years.  We have been at our current gym for a little over 2 years.  She has been on the gymnastics girl’s team there and just got done with competition. Right now, she is on one side of the gym with tumbling class and her team is on the other side doing team practice.  Still waiting for the big deal????  WELL…..

She decided this week….. it was time for a break. WHAT???

She came in to my room on February 28 about 12:30 (yep, I remember the date and time!) and told me she had something important to tell me.  She tried to get her words out through her 😭sobbing😭…..telling me what she was thinking and how she was feeling.  I sat there confused with a blank stare. I couldn’t process what she was telling me yet I knew something was going on the last month or so. It was difficult for her as she felt so heavy with worry about disappointing us, her team and her coaches. She explained that she loved her gymnastics time, her teammates, her coaches but she just wasn’t enjoying it like she once did.  She really felt like it was time to take a break and venture out to something new.

I’m proud of her for walking into my room this week and sharing her heart.  She had really thought this through and knew what direction she wanted to go next.

But this mom was not quite ready for that announcement.  A big part of our life has been gymnastics.  So much time, money, emotion invested.  I’m a “Gym Mom” and the last year and a half, I was a “Team Gym Mom”.  I made good friends and we helped each other out and encouraged each other in this whole gymnastic life.  I now do not belong to that group.  Sure, they are still my friends but I do not share this common bond anymore.  It’s like a part of my identity is gone.  I know…SO DRAMATIC!!!!  Not sure why it’s hitting me so hard.  I would think it’d be a little easier….I went through this already with my oldest.  But, in all honesty, there is still a part of me that struggles with her decision to stop.

No more, “Mom, I got a rip on each hand”…said with so much satisfaction and excitement!!!!!

IMG_1024

Bottom line…I love my kids always (even when I don’t like them…LOL!).  I want them to enjoy life and the things they are doing.  Abby and I will get through her decision and every day will be a little bit better as we find a new normal.  She is a talented young lady and she puts her whole heart into everything she does.  One of her struggles was that she didn’t get some of her skills as quickly as the other girls but she worked so hard and never gave up, even with her multiple injuries.  She is my special girl and I’m excited to see what’s next for her.

Alright, that’s enough (sniff, sniff)!!!!!

BE HEALTHY!!!!

fullsizeoutput_b1c2

The beginning

I am writing here instead of my journal.  I am not an English major and am not going to worry about paragraphs and punctuation.  I simply am going to write because it is helpful to me and maybe there will be one other that will benefit as well.

I have been on a “health” journey trying to figure out where all my aches and pains come from.  I am tired all the time and just feel yucky.  I struggle with anxiety and depression (finding out most woman do) that keeps me up all night sometimes.  I want to say “GREAT” when asked how I am doing.

I am about to start another Whole30 and have to make this my lifestyle.  I do best when I am not eating grains, dairy, legumes, and the EVIL addictive …..SUGAR!!!!!!  I love sugar in the form of anything brown which means CHOCOLATE.

I want to LOVE God with all my heart and serve Him with my everything.

I am going to abruptly end this for now because, as usual, time has gotten way from me and I have a child who needs to be to his class in 10 minutes…..oops!!!!!

To be continued…..